Are We a people of Poles?

I don't mean the type from Eastern Europe either, but rather a people who have lost their grey.

Everywhere I turn these days everyone has to be in one camp or another, there is no grey left. There is no opinion unless it is mine, anything in disagreement is not given the benefit of the doubt but is automatically condescending, snide, and/or derogatory. Where has our tolerance gone?

We have become a people obsessed by truth, by what we can prove. There is a huge and obsessive push for truth, that we should propagate this truth to our children and deliver them from the lies of the past. Now, well-informed, free-thinking children is a good thing, but so was believing in Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

Where has the grey gone? Whatever happened to that childhood innocence?

Back when I was a little un, I believed in Santa, I went to church, believed in God, baby Jesus, the whole nine yards. That changed over the years, my belief system changed, I'm now an atheist. We tell our kids these little fibs all the time, sometimes to allay fear, sometimes to comfort them. They are children after all and deserve to not be exposed to the world and all it's horrors just because that's the truth.

So we become selective with the truth we tell? Or are we selective with the truth we accept?

Moving on from the piffle we sometimes tell our children. I had a rather peculiar experience yesterday. I sat and watched someone come apart right in front of me. I sat and answered my questions and asked a few. What I saw was a refusal to accept a truth. It made me ask myself, why is it so hard for some of us to accept some truths, to the point of becoming unglued. I see such rigidity in beliefs and have a hard time reconciling that. I guess I believe some things to be true, but a truth is an altogether different animal. Truth is rigid and inflexible.

Folks talk about seeking Truth. I find myself wondering whether that is a good idea, I mean would it not be better to seek a continual evolution of thought, continual improvement and exploring new pathways. Rather than seeking the singular, seek something less tangible, something that provides room for growth and change.

Wallow in the Grey, not in the Truth of Black and White.

The Power Really is with the People...

I've seen a lot of back and forth on social media in the recent weeks, on one side the democrats, the other the republicans. What puzzles me is that there really is no choice. Recent changes to the election rules and process have removed that choice. If you look at the money being donated by various PAC's it gets obscene, the politicians are in the pockets of the super rich and various corporations before the ballots are even counted. I can imagine easily what happens should a politician have an attack of conscience these days. 

"Do as we say or we'll pull your campaign funding and give it to your opponent who will be more compliant with our direction."

What chance does the average person have here? Little? None? When the media is controlled by the same shadowy figures in the background. It reminds me of a clip from an oldish film, something I used to giggle at but has ended up being a little more profound than likely originally intended.

We all laughed, at least those who have seen this scene. But how accurate has it become, it may not be five. There is a list, recently published by Sen. Bernie Sanders listing people who have contributed significant sums to various political campaigns. Removing the slant and just looking at the numbers, the first thing I thought of was what are people getting from this, you don't donate that kind of money without some sort of payoff. So what do you get for a $15,200,000.00 donation to a party or candidate?

Anyone who can still look me in the face and say democracy still works needs to check themselves into a facility for a good mental health work-up or M.I.T. as the first living trans-dimensional transfer, as this isn't the reality most of us are familiar with.

A look at the statistics.

Looking at some of the polls and I'll only list one here, from Gallup.

I'm not sure about you, but if I had a performance rating that hadn't exceeded 18% for a year I don't think my employment would still be a reality, I certainly wouldn't expect a paycheck for performing so poorly. So why does the electorate tolerate this from the people they elected?

There was a viral e-mail that circulated last year called the 2011 Congressional Reform Act, it's resurfaced again this year and is doing the rounds on both Facebook as well as Google+. Though it contains some dubious claims it makes some reasonable demands. The problem is that there is no cohesive movement, it consists of various grassroots folks who need to come together and form a single movement. One of them is petition2congress.com. The key is keep it simple and very straightforward, no room for debate for it to get bogged down in. So how do the People get what they want?

1. First you ask

Well I guess the first step is to just plain call your Congressmen and women and ask. We as a people want constitutional reform. Here are our demands, action them or we kick you out at the next election.

Hmmm....I can't see that working, they say "no" and we are left to elect Peter instead of Paul at the next election. So now we cycle between two candidates who are not about to bite the hand that feeds them. Another avenue is..,

2. Constitutional Convention

So congress refuses to act or even discuss constitutional reform, to be honest I wouldn't expect them to. There is a mechanism for the States to work without Congress, Article V of the Constitution.

The Congress, whenever two thirds of both Houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose Amendments to this Constitution, or, on the Application of the Legislatures of two thirds of the several States, shall call a Convention for proposing Amendments, which, in either Case, shall be valid to all Intents and Purposes, as Part of this Constitution, when ratified by the Legislatures of three fourths of the several States or by Conventions in three fourths thereof, as the one or the other Mode of Ratification may be proposed by the Congress; Provided that no Amendment which may be made prior to the Year One thousand eight hundred and eight shall in any Manner affect the first and fourth Clauses in the Ninth Section of the first Article; and that no State, without its Consent, shall be deprived of its equal Suffrage in the Senate.

So get two thirds of the states to petition for it and it can be done. Though I think we'll run into the same problem in step 1. We're still dealing with money and politics. So should the States be unwilling to entertain the notion of restricting political careers, we move on to step 3.

3. Recall Elections

You have a politician or system that refuses to comply with the wishes of the majority. When you're stuck in a rut you need some leverage to get out, usually in the form of a lever or crowbar. Currently I'm having some work done on my house, oddly enough it now seems rather apt that one of the contractors referred to a crow bar as an "attitude readjuster". Recall elections have different requirements in different states, and I'll not go into all the details. It might not be quick, the People may need to become recursive, working their way down to possibly local levels to get their voices heard. But then maybe change needs to start at the roots in local government.

4. Power comes back to the people

Eventually we get to step 4. Power comes back to those who own it, not those who have purchased it. For too long we have listened to the popular mainstream media, listened to the bickering between the left and the right. The Internet has brought a whole new dimension to the world, movements can now be ethereal, composed of nothing but pulses of light within an optical network. The pulses can pack punches, and virtual punches land as hard as physical ones at the ballot box.

Left or Right, Republican or Democrat, whatever you choose to call yourself, it doesn't matter. Soon the cats will realize the dogs are not the enemy.

Founders' Day - View from a Norm

A very busy and very enlightening weekend.


This weekend I travelled to Akron, OH for the Founders' Day conference, it left me changed in many ways and all for the better. I arrived with far too many pre-conceived ideas and left with a few much better ones.


I set off from the office on Friday, making my west as I usually do along I-76. Cruise control set and I settle into the 270 mile stretch to Pittsburgh. I tend to do a lot of thinking while I'm driving, I figure why not? Not like I have anyone to talk to. My mind was filled with thoughts of what I was to experience in the coming two days. I had never really spent much time with alcoholics in a group. Sure I had met a few, but never really got to know them. I like most of those not afflicted with this disease had a few stereotypes depicted in my head. I must admit I was a little nervous. I felt like I was going to Mars in a way.


I arrived at Amy's and was met in usual fashion, a hug, a kiss, an "I've missed you". These really are some of my favourite moments, I miss her all the time when we're apart. We got ready and set off for Akron. Founders' Day is held on the University of Akron Campus in various buildings.


We arrived.


Instantly all those pre-conceived ideas evaporated. Everyone was friendly, all wanting to introduce themselves and shake my hand. People from all walks of life. BAM! But they don't look like alcoholics, as soon as the thought entered my head I felt like an instant moron. Well of course they don't. Later on in the evening I was listening to a speaker who reiterated all my thoughts. I didn't feel so foolish. I was more ashamed for thinking them in the first place. The evening ended and we met some more people and I listened to some more stories, they all had a common theme. Strength, survival, and daily work. I also learned that it's ok to talk about alcohol to an alcoholic, something that had made me uncomfortable earlier. I was being introduced to the open honesty that is a pervading theme through AA. The evening finished and we made our way home.


The following day was the big meeting, with the guest speaker, his story was truly remarkable. But that wasn't what resonated with me. It was the recital of the twelve steps. With each one read aloud I started to understand more and more, they seemed familiar.


I spent the best part of 10 years in a marriage with someone with some extreme mental health issues. All the signs of abuse were there, separation from support system, isolation, the list goes on. For those of you not familiar with the Twelve Steps they are listed below.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

So you may wonder what has this to do with a non-alcoholic, well everything. When I came out of the marriage I admitted to myself that I needed help and submitted to therapy to get that help. I went most weeks to a psychologist and spent time discussing and talking and working through my issues. I had quite a few.

Once I became happier with myself I started to cast the net a little wider, and look to all those I had impacted, this centered around my children primarily the harm I had caused through my own inaction. I couldn't change the past so the only I felt I could make amends was through making the future the best I could.

As I continued I found I could introspect and self-actualize more and more, I still solicit counsel and advice from my psychologist and I know she reads these blog posts. As you can see, the twelve steps provide a great framework for anyone in recovery. I sat and discussed this with Amy after the meeting and we both walked through them drawing the parallels. Suddenly everything made more sense, I understood Amy's recovery in new depths too. That was the biggest gift the weekend gave me.

I met all types this weekend, all walks of life, and everyone I met was happy, honest, and open. Some asked if I was sober, and I would explain that I wasn't an alcoholic, and that didn't seem to matter, they still welcomed me in. I would tell them about my experiences with alcohol, trading war stories if you like. I found myself liking these people more and more. I liked the lack of ego, we were all just people with no rank or station. There was an air of happiness that was almost tangible and seeped its way into everything and everyone. I don't make friends easily, I'm a bit of a cynic and tend to think most people are full of shit, not here, here I wanted to be part of everything. In a way even as an outsider I felt at home. I knew I would never be one, but that didn't seem to matter to me or anyone that I met.

Driving home today, another 400 miles and 6 1/2 hours with lots of time to think. I reflected on my experiences from the weekend. I had met some incredible people, and I found myself admiring them and respecting them for what they had achieved. Listening to their stories I found myself thinking, wow! that is an achievement. To take a life debilitating illness and recover from it, and then not only survive but have to actually manage every day for the rest of your life. I think that is something to be admired; the overcoming of adversity, the dedication to the ongoing management. I thought of it along the lines of surviving cancer and then adding the daily management of an illness like diabetes on top of that. These people get the attaboys, the pats on the back, the admiration from media and others. Alcoholics don't get that, the social stigma that is applied to their disease doesn't allow it and that is a real shame. As evidenced by the people I met at the weekend I found them to be some of the most courageous and resilient people I have ever had the honor to meet, and I would think it a privilege for them to call me their friend. 

What if, what that

So next up on deck of the introspection aircraft carrier, over-analyzing.


Well this is a biggie for me, I didn't always be this way either. After a decade with the irrational I found my self planning every thing I said, thinking through all possible outcomes. If I was told something by irrational then I would think through every possible meaning. Well that was doomed to failure as I was applying rational measures. If you try to apply rational to irrational in physics you end up with black holes and shit, I think the same should apply to emotions too.


It's tough to learn to take things at face value and not look for all the hidden meanings. To not analyse what you're about to say for fear of having a wild interpretation applied to it. It's work! To be honest I didn't know where to start. So I started small. I found that proof by example was the best way, every time my own assumptions were correct I found it reinforced it within me. Each time added a brick, a reaffirmation of what my head already knew to be true.


My missus gave me a great way to look at this, I have to get through the 18" of shit between my head and my heart. Each time I reaffirm I wade another step through the poo.


Things are progressing nicely and Amy is extremely patient with me, she is a star. We work together and support each other. I'm a very lucky guy.

Some Analytics

So I installed Google analytics to my template...lets see if they are working :)

Unplugged...

So I've been mulling some thoughts over in my head for the past couple days. They sort of bubbled up to the surface today. I have an unhealthy obsession with Google+, well not just Google+ but technology in general, the Internet is a fickle thing.

First off lets look at Google+.

1. I am here in a purely social capacity, I have no requirement to be connected 24/7. It occurred to me on my drive home, the Google+ stream is evil. Joking aside, it's almost like a fruit machine, spin the stream, we have a winner. The more you circle the more chance of winning, i.e. finding something interesting or to tickle your fancy.

And here's the rub... IT WILL STILL BE THERE LATER. I suddenly realized that, which is a little odd for a chap who persists data for a living.

So what am I going to do, GTFO that's what. It was getting to the point of, ooh let me finish a task at work so I can spin the stream. WTF a little red box, that must be important. I had better stop what I'm doing and check it! Now I am being a little unfair on myself, purely because that's how Amy and I can keep in touch during the day, with the vagaries of corporate IT policy blocking on firewalls it has proven a reliable method. When I come home and I'm sitting having dinner or having a delightful conversation, is there any real need? I don't think so. I wrote a comment a couple of days ago on a thread along the lines of "I've lived in my house for 3 years but it wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I step foot in my neighbors house" I mean really??? When I was a kid we were in and out and through all the houses on my street, I knew everyone, even the cranky old bugger who didn't cut his grass or open his curtains. This is why I need to unplug a little. Find some balance in my Internet use. I can have all these virtual friends,but I can't make the effort to cross the street for a cup of coffee. Maybe this is what's wrong with society as a whole, community spirit is gone. Well starting now, and late is better than never I'm making some changes!

Ok, and to those who I follow intently, Amy in particular, I'm not plusfucking, I'm just catching up.

Next up.... The dreaded smartphone.

This thing is a curse, I mean it! First a little back story....

I have a fabulous fiancee in Amy, we met on Google+, fell in love unequivocally, and will be getting married on 07/27, a year to the day we met. She lives 400 miles away from me across a long ass state called PA. We rely on the Internet for all of our daily communication. Interestingly enough she is very good at putting the phone down, though I suspect her obsession with Google+ runs a little deeper :P

Right now you're wondering where the curse is I bet. Can someone explain to me why I obsessively check it all the time through the day. It sits on my desk at work, whispering slide to unlock trying to corrupt my current thought process.

HELLO! IT HAS A RINGER. THE FUCKING THING WILL BEEP WHEN IT REQUIRES SOME ATTENTION.

So knowing that why do I find it continually in my hand, it's like it's almost surgically attached. I don't need to continually fondle you, you electronic Jezebel!

The answer for this one is right in front of me too, my work blackberry goes on the mantelpiece when I get home, once Amy moves, Jezebel has a new home too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is so much going on right in front of us, yet that's not good enough, we insist that more interesting things are happening in a place that consists of electrons whizzing back and forth.

So with my exorcism complete I intend to unplug more often and focus on what is at hand, what I can touch, I hope some of you will too.

Legal Marriage, just bin it

So I've been watching all the hullabaloo over the last couple days, the outrage from people on either side and even in the middle. Seems nobody is happy and there is neither result was going to make anyone happy.

So I started thinking is there a third way....

Well I think there is. First lets get some definitions down. I'll be using them later, these aren't the dictionary definitions, just mine to separate the two concepts.

1. Legal Marriage is the protections afforded under the law.
2. Traditional or Religious Marriage is the ceremony of actually getting married and what constitutes the rules around being married.

The religious aspect of marriage is a very personal thing, it's based on our belief systems, our culture and heritage. Marriage is different between a Jew, a Muslim, a Christian, a Buddhist, etc. Is anyone more right than the other no? These are beliefs not laws. No one system is more correct than the other and that's the way it should be. Amy and I, neither of us being religious in the least discussed a Quaker style wedding minus the religious aspect. Our friends and family would be given the opportunity to speak to us.

We would then still need to complete the legal portion of the marriage. The term marriage is a bit of a misnomer here, we're actually signing a contract between each other and a mountain of legislation governing the laws of said contract comes into effect. Not very romantic, and once you start reading it, it sounds more like a business contract than a marriage. So why not call it what it is?

There is of course another valid use case here, and I don't mean same-sex marriages, civil unions, etc.

When I was very small, my grandparents had a nice house in Edinburgh, I remember the red front door vividly to this day. Next door to them lived two little old ladies, and I mean little old ladies in the typical stereotype too, lavender tweed twinsets all the way. They had been companions for each other for decades, no relation to each other past friends. They lived in the same house, shared all the bills and responsibility, were next of kin for each other. Sounds almost like a marriage without the sex. The question becomes should they be allowed into a domestic partnership? My say would be yes, though it was not a romantic relationship but one of friendship and companionship, they should be allowed to seek the same protections under the law.

This is key, the idea of a domestic partnership does not equate to marriage, marriage is a ceremonial act and way of living, the partnership provides the underlying framework of law. Partnerships can take many forms, just like legal marriage now, there may or may not be custody, no children and those sections of the law do not apply, just like they do today.

I think once we remove the concept of marriage from the legal system, a lot of what people currently balk at will dissipate, they will be what they really are...

Contracts between two people.